A place that celebrates the most human stories!

A place that celebrates the most human stories!
Enjoy the NBA poo chronicles from the Scientists of 100POP. 100POP created this research in excitement for the launch of its first official POO STORY set for April 1st.
Showing posts with label New York Knicks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New York Knicks. Show all posts

Saturday, March 5, 2011

The New Emperor: Amare Stoudemire and why he doesn't need toilets In New York....

Ten years from now, Amare Stoudemire, Melo and Billups will undoubtedly have their Knickerbockers jerseys scattered through used clothing stores around NBA cities. If you go to such used clothing stores now you will usually be able to find a New York Knicks jersey with one of the following names: Starks, Ewing, Houston, Sprewell or Oakley.  Why? These used jerseys are a sign that these players were relevant and that they played the game with enough panache that a lot of people spent money on jerseys with their name on it.  I expect to see a lot of Stoudemire jerseys because he (and not Lebron) symbolizes the rebirth of Knickerbockers basketball. His move to NY has been brilliant. First off he has proven he can be an all star without Steve Nash making him look good. Second, by going to New York he has been able to give Knickerbockers' rabid fans something be proud of.  Third,  he has stopped (or at least changed) experts from talking about his inability to get his hands up in interior passing lanes and playing ‘stay at home” post defense (Remember game 1 of the 2010 Western conference finals  and Odom’s “Lucky” game?).  Fourth, he is in a city that is conducive to exploring his newly discovered Jewish roots. Fifth and finally, Amare no longer is burdened by the need to find a washroom when he needs to take a dump. Yes, similar to “The Last Emperor” of China who was documented in the critically acclaimed 1987 biopic, we at 100POP believe Amare probably has radical followers who pick up his grotesquely huge dung droppings. This means that Amare has the freedom to dump wherever he wants. 

Why 100POP thinks this last part, is derived from the fact that New York fans are the craziest, most dedicated fans in the NBA.  New York is a city that had to sit through a decade of unorganized, mismanaged, heartless, pathetic basketball.  Amare represents a new era, a new decade; one where the Knickerbockers play with pride, should win  and care about trying to be the best.  Because Amare represents this change, fans have embraced him and want to associate themselves with anything to do with him.   Although arguable grotesque, we think that Amare, “The New Emperor of NY”, has fans who are willing to trail behind him and clean up his droppings.  His dropping are a very authentic part of Amare, as far as NBA swag, it's one of a kind. Some say, "One mans trash is another mans treasure." We think these crap collectors would argue, "Amare's turds are their trophies." 

This has changed the way Stoudemire approaches bowel movements and the way he plays the game. Amare has been liberated to go where and when he wants...no wonder there has been MVP talks.  In The Big Apple, the need for Steve Nash and toilets are things of the past.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Carmelo is Anally Gifted.


We believe Carmelo Anthony has no problem making solid bowel movements and is confused by those who complain of constipation, fire butt and other anal challenges when going to the bathroom. We think Carmelo is definitely the most talented crapper in the NBA and that he has never run to a toilet in fear of social suicide. This line of thought comes from the simple fact that basketball comes way too easy for him. With his work ethic, he shouldn’t be as good as he is at orange ball; however, he consistently goes up the court and easily scores on players with amazing work ethic. Ergo, we suppose that he also puts the lid down with a brash ignorance of what it is to be a Pepto Bismol purchaser. Carmelo is no ordinary human.
100POP hypothesizes that Melo’s stomach turns food into the same consistent crunch every time.  His control over his poo can be compared to a very patient person in a long line for a busy night club.  The patient person doesn’t try and jump the line and doesn’t scream at the bouncer. No, the patient person just waits and enters when permitted. When Melo feels his waste wants admission to club toilet, he is fine waiting until the moment is right, never sweating, never running. Anthony enters washrooms on his terms and  then performs his duty in a strain free manner.  Our stat line for Carmelo Anthony this season is 25.3 points per game, 7.7 rebounds, 2.8 steals and 0.0 skid marks. 
We also think Kenyon Martin hates Carmelo Anthony.  If Martin's bathroom movements are as strenuous as his attempts at sinking contested baby hook shots, than how could you blame him for resenting?