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A place that celebrates the most human stories!
Enjoy the NBA poo chronicles from the Scientists of 100POP. 100POP created this research in excitement for the launch of its first official POO STORY set for April 1st.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Something worth talking about: NBA Pundits and Announcers Anal Activity

100POP has completed a good half-hour of in-depth research on Google and WikiPedia into the bathroom rituals of everyone’s favorite NBA announcers & pundits. The following hypotheses are the results of this academic journey. Although we doubt there are many erroneous propositions, please excuse any inaccurate ASSumptions

#1 H. Brown
Hubie Brown gets excited about making fecal movements…they remind him he is still alive and well. As well, because he loves basketball so much he probably calls the crapping process, “making a pick n roll.”

#2 J. Van Gundy
While sitting on the can we think Jeff Van Gundy googles, “Jeff Van Gundy Quotes,” and then laughs and shakes his head approvingly as he passes his logs.  We also believe he repeats the pun “I gotta go do a Gundy,” to whomever will listen.
#3 M. Devlin

After observing a recent game, we believe Matt Devlin smiles into a full length mirror wearing nothing but a smoker’s jacket with a pocket square.
#4 M. Albert

Intuition suggests Marv Albert spends his whole toilet time deciding if he will wear hair with a side part to the left or a side part to the right.

#5 D. Collins

There is little doubt Doug Collins just does his business, wipes and gets out. No big deal.
#6 R. Miller
Reggie Miller pushes really hard hoping that he will create turds that are more impressive than his sisters...he usually leaves the washroom disappointed. 

#7 C. Barkley 
Charles Barkley’s dung shatters toilets.

#8 K. (The Jet) Smith

Kenny the Jet gets pissed off because he often has to sit on a shattered toilet when all he wants is some time to relax and work on his next quick quip.

#9. K. McHale

We have no idea what kind of shits Kevin McHale has but man does he have huge collarbones.

#10 S. Scott

While on the can we think Stuart Scott records his secret monologues. He is probably choosing between two titles:
1) Why I try too hard
2) My Voice: A poor mask of the truth.

#11 Two or three guys who want new jobs.
The Cleveland Cavaliers announcers spend every waking moment, including their time on the can, trying to get their resumes out to other basketball cities to find work.
#12 S. Kerr
We think Steve Kerr sits on the toilet and plays a game he likes to call, “What if I didn’t trade for Shaq.”
#13 S. (The Snapper) Jones
Steve the Snapper Jones drops his pants, does his business, wipes, gets up, looks at his turd and utters in frustration and surprise,  “Are you serious?”  He calls the movement, “Taking a Bill Walton.” 
#14 B. Walton
Bill Walton tries to eat a dietary regime that allows him to create tie dyed deuces. We also think  that due to acid flashbacks, he probably  repeats nonsensical things like, “ When on the Knicks, Chris Dudley should have gotten at least twenty touches a game.” Its amazing, but we think that at the same time Walton says things like this, Snapper Jones has usually just finished Taking a Bill Walton.

#15 M. Jackson

Mark Jackson was and is a great passer. We think he sits and passes his waste with ease.  In the mirror after washing his hands, he more than likely celebrates with a body shimmy while crossing his forearms in front of his chest, reliving the glory days when he game himself the nickname, The X Factor.

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