Dwight Howard isn't Dwight Howard, especially on the can.

Dwight’s anal analysis is quite hard to determine. After watching the way his arms developed over his first three seasons, 100POP thought Howard was an alien. But sorry  X Files fans, using occam’s razor we cut that theory and chose a much more probable one—that Dwight Howard is the most successful application of Avatar science. Not only do we think Howard is an Avatar, we are pretty sure we know who is controlling him, Soulja Boy. Yes, we think Dwight Howard is in fact Soulja Boy’s Avatar. This means Soulja Boy is Dwight Howard. 

Now before you dismiss this as nonsense, think about it, it makes sense and here are the reasons:

1) Dwight Howard's body is more like the blue people in the Movie Avatar than most humans. As well, he is about the same age as the amount of time James Cameron usually puts into the creation of his movies. That would mean the Avatar science was being developed right around the same time that Dwight was "born". We have to admit we don't know how, but we believe Soulja Boy gained possession of DH's controls right before he released his track with the lyrics, "Superman the Hoe," aka The Superman Song.

2)The relentless promotion of that terrible Superman song would make a lot more sense if Dwight were an Avatar run by Soulja Boy. Howard's religious  adherence to the song and its hokey dance steps made the track popular.  This caused cool kids and sexy girls that used to walk right past DeAndre Cortez to stop,  notice and idolize Cortez as his new title-- Soulja Boy. Every nerds dream come true.

3) The inappropriate boyish way Dwight approaches situations in which the game is on the line; grinning and high fiving opponents and fans. In one game I saw, Orlando was stuck 2 on the road with a minute left and Dwight came out of a timeout acting all, "please like me," smiling and laughing with the front row fans. What the F$%k! Orlando lost of course.  I would like to think that you would never see any of the human NBA elite do this.  However, joking with opposing fans in crunch time is definitely something a cotton candy rapper would do.

4) There is also his choice of revering the fictional alien Superman instead of a more obvious choice, Wilt Chamberlain.  Wilt Chamberlain was lucky enough to have been given a body superior to everyone else in the league, just like Dwight. Wilt, not Superman, is what makes sense. Soulja Boy made a song about Superman and thereby it  makes sense that  SB dictated Dwight's controls to  idolize Superman. Idolizing Superman is a good business decision for SB. However, if Dwight is human, than it must be said that choosing superman in not a good NBA career decision.

5) Finally, we have to think about it from Soulja Boy's perspective.  It's all win for Soulja Boy if he is Dwight's controller. The money he makes as Dwight  can fund more of his terrible songs which, thanks to Dwight, now have a serious fan base and make him a lot of money as well.  If this is true then SB is Jay Z rich. This extreme wealth could also allow SB to advance Dwight's technology, improving his offense and secure max contracts for years to come. Dwight's only weakness is his offense. Before this year his offense has been criticized as robotic. This makes sense as Avatar's are robots.  It would also answer why his post game got better over the off season; Soulja upgraded DH's post move technology. Sorry Hakeem...this doesn't mean it wasn't  good seeing you still got it in those videos from this summer.

And that is our argument. 100POP believes Dwight Howard is an Avatar. It makes sense right?

           If this theory is true then we must abandon the idea that Dwight has huge, protein packed, tyrannosaurus like butt bombs.  We are sad to say we have no idea what kind of bowel waste Avatar’s have, Cameron didn’t have a washroom scene in his movie. However, Soulja Boy probably sucks back four slurpees a day.  For this reason we at 100POP believe Dwight Howard by default has slurpee infused toilet movements.  To be precise, blue flavored diarrhea. We also think that based on SB’s music, Dwight Howard/Soulja Boy often sharts his pants.