We believe Carmelo Anthony has no problem making solid bowel movements and is confused by those who complain of constipation, fire butt and other anal challenges when going to the bathroom. We think Carmelo is definitely the most talented crapper in the NBA and that he has never run to a toilet in fear of social suicide. This line of thought comes from the simple fact that basketball comes way too easy for him. With his work ethic, he shouldn’t be as good as he is at orange ball; however, he consistently goes up the court and easily scores on players with amazing work ethic. Ergo, we suppose that he also puts the lid down with a brash ignorance of what it is to be a Pepto Bismol purchaser. Carmelo is no ordinary human.
100POP hypothesizes that Melo’s stomach turns food into the same consistent crunch every time. His control over his poo can be compared to a very patient person in a long line for a busy night club. The patient person doesn’t try and jump the line and doesn’t scream at the bouncer. No, the patient person just waits and enters when permitted. When Melo feels his waste wants admission to club toilet, he is fine waiting until the moment is right, never sweating, never running. Anthony enters washrooms on his terms and then performs his duty in a strain free manner. Our stat line for Carmelo Anthony this season is 25.3 points per game, 7.7 rebounds, 2.8 steals and 0.0 skid marks.
We also think Kenyon Martin hates Carmelo Anthony. If Martin's bathroom movements are as strenuous as his attempts at sinking contested baby hook shots, than how could you blame him for resenting?
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